Today I want to talk to you about pain.
Lots of people suffer from pain some temporary some permanent. Some people live with one symptom of pain whilst others live with a whole shopping list that can change from one thing to another as quickly as you can say ‘bless you’!
Often when we think people are in pain we think they should talk about it.
Not everyone wants to talk about their pain and not everyone wants every Tom, Dick or Doctor Phil to analyse them and their condition. And if they say they don’t want to talk about it with you or a friend. Accept it, the best thing you can do is try to change the subject which will distract them from the pain, hopefully. Trust me they’d rather talk about anything else than that!
Sometimes when we think that people are just moody or rude in fact they are in extremes of pain.
Not everyone wants to be laid up at home in the foetal position allowing the pain to take control of their lives, not everyone can afford to do that, yet some still try to live their lives and fight through the pain because they don’t want to hand over the control. Accept it, they’re human they have a right to live and shouldn’t give up. Would you?
Some people will try to live as ‘normal’ of a life as they possibly can, but sometimes they just cannot attend that party, or go on that trip, or visit that specific place. It is not that they don’t want to, because of the pain they endure and the stress it puts on them they run all the worst case scenarios because thats what the pain has taught them to do to protect themselves. So, right now they just can’t. It doesn’t mean they never will. They will. On their terms not yours. Accept it, shit happens all the time right!
Living in constant agony, and worry is a pain in and of itself it consumes their every waking thought. Of course they are concerned about you and everyone else and doing a multitude of other things too. They just have to put the pain factor first. Doesn’t mean you don’t factor in their thoughts and feelings. Accept it!
If you broke an arm and weren’t given meds your bodies first attention will be that pain.
Working while in constant agony can be a trial having more things on their plate can be too much stress-wise and cause a breakdown and leave them prone to mood swings that other people just don’t understand what they are going through. That there is a constant fight going on in this persons body for control. They just need space, air to breathe, and with any hope never put in a situation that will cause a meltdown.
Often all the person wants is a cure but they know there is no miracle cure for them. Stop treating them like an idiot and assuming there is one that they haven’t looked or tried and stop trying to convince them otherwise. They know their symptoms, their body, what they’ve been through. All they need you to do is to be there for them especially on those days it breaks them down. Accept it you are not god, your job is not to take away their pain.
All you need to do is understand that the person knows how their body reacts to certain extremes and symptoms. Be there for them even when they need you to back off a bit. Don’t crowd them or try to analyse them, they aren’t your lab project!
Understand that there will be days of good where they seem absolutely fine, there will be days where they are far from fine and there will be between days where as quickly as the clouds things can change.
Show them how much they are living a normal life because you can bet there are times when they feel like the freak, the outcast etc.
And show them how much you love them.
We all have some sort of condition whether its hereditary or not, whether we’ve had it since birth or not. We’re not freaks. We just hurt.
Yes I’ve switched from they and their to we.
See the thing is I live like this, living everyday in a slight form of agony, my head somewhat a little elsewhere holding back the pain, trying to live normally. I’ve been poked and proded and analysed by someone I loved who pushed and pushed wanting me to talk about it when he could never possibly understand what each day is like. Who wanted me to explain to his friend who was not a doctor at all, no where near it in fact. He wanted to fix the issue rather than actually understand it. And never once stuck by my requests not to discuss it openly with others. Living in agony that can go from mild to intense in seconds is draining. Unless you’ve been there you just cannot possibly comprehend the embarrassment and anguish it can place on people nor the huge number of symptoms it can produce. But we still want to live ordinary lives because we are after all ordinary people just like you.
We might not be able to cure ourselves but through changes in how we live, we can live more comfortably.
Me I have had my pain for well over a decade and the doctors have done little, they have simply given me anxiety pills and tossed me to the wind. I am a lot better than I was back then though since cutting things from my diet. I have read books and articles and websites in search of a cure and there is not one because there are so many symptoms that could be different things. Except for trying out a test on intolerances. It is a game of cat and mouse with the symptoms finding out what works and what doesn’t. A game I am still having to play even now.
Please remember not everyones pain is visible!